Evolution for dummies
One day there was a giraffe. He had a long neck and wanted to score some giraffe pussy. Unfortunately there were other, better looking giraffes out there. They picked on him because his neck was really long. The chick giraffes mostly joined in because the short necked giraffes were SOOOO cute!
One day a drought came along. All the grass died, but the tree had really long roots and it sucked up the water deep underground. All the giraffes were really hungry except for the long-necked giraffe, who decided to be a prick to the asshole giraffes that were mean to him and eat all the leaves himself.
"Come on, man! Share some of that good stuff, we're hungry down here!" said the short-necked giraffes.
"Fuck you, you guys were mean to me!" said the long necked giraffes.
The long necked giraffe continued to eat.
"Alright, we're sorry we picked on you before, can you help us out please?"
The short necked giraffes were apologizing, and the long-necked giraffe didn't care because they were mean.
Eventually one giraffe piped in and said"Fine dude, do whatever, see if I care... Come on guys, let's go find some grass... there's gotta be some somewhere..."
One of the female giraffes stuck around, though. She was a pretty little giraffe, with shiny and smooth brown spots and a really long tongue. This turned the long-necked giraffe on, and he put on his smooth moves.
"Sup?" said the long-necked giraffe.
"Hi, what's your name?" said the sexy she-giraffe.
"I dunno. I don't think our species has invented that concept."
"Haha, you're so funny. What are you doing?"
"Oh, I'm just EATING SOME LEAVES FROM THIS TREE!!!"
"Wow! That is soooo impressive! You mind sharing?"
"Uh, I dunno, I'm PRETTY hungry but I GUESS I could be arsed if you ask NICELY..."
So they shared the leaves, he would grab a leaf and give it to her and then would eat a leaf himself. The she-giraffe saw him as a good provider and saw that he was an honest giraffe, and the long-necked giraffe saw her as an object that he could smear his seed in, and they got along quite well.
At the end of the day they decided to have crazy giraffe sex. Afterwards, the long-necked giraffe sit up on the headboard of his bed and started to smoke a cigarette. The she-giraffe gave him a hug and started to cuddle. He had trust issues that developed after getting picked on a lot for being a long-necked giraffe, and decided to go for a walk. She didn't want him to leave. She wanted to cuddle. He wanted to be alone. His rebellious nature and her inability to control him made her love him all the more... She fantasized about their futures together, and the lives they could share. She imagined a family, and a bunch of kid-giraffes, and bringing him home to her parents.
He thought about how awesome that nookie he just scored was, and wondered if she was the clingy type.
When he came back, she whispered in his ear that she loved him... this kinda freaked him out.
"We just met!" said the long-necked giraffe.
"I know, but I just feel so strongly toward you! You are very important to me." She looked in his eyes with a longing sort of long, and his confusion made her feel pain.
"Listen, babe, I know that you are feeling especially drawn to me, and I understand how you feel, but I think that we shouldtake some time to ourselves so we can look at this rationally... Just give me some space, okay? Give me some space and time and we'll see."
"Oh my god! You're breaking up with me!" She screamed and started freaking out, crying like a crazy person. This made him feel guilty.
"No no no! I'm just saying some time apart will be good for us!" He then started to wonder if it was possible to break up with a person you had only gotten together with once.
"Oh my god! Let me calm down...."
"Okay, cool, just calm down, okay?"
The she-giraffe sniffled. "If you want time alone, that's fine. I can do that. I'm a big giraffette. I will be fine."
"You'll be fine! Just fine!"
A few days passed, and the long-necked giraffe discovered that all the short-necked giraffes had died. Some had died of starvation, others had been eaten by alligators because all the grass was by a water-hole that was filled with all sorts of nasties.
"Oh well!" the long necked giraffe thought.
After a while though, he began to become lonesome and tried calling the she-giraffe.
"Hello, this is Long-Necked Giraffe, is She-Giraffe there?"
"Oh my god! This is She-Giraffe! How are you!? I haven't seen you in like, forever!!"
And they arranged to meet each other.
About a month later, She-Giraffe went to the long necked giraffe and said she needed to talk about something...
"Sure, what about? What's going on?" the long-necked giraffe inquired.
"Well, you know, about a week ago it was that time of the month, and uh... I waited for somet ime, but I think..."
"What do you think?"
"I think I might be... pregnant." The she-giraffe looked at him with fear.
The long-necked giraffe looked at her, and said, 'What, are you serious? Don't joke about that".
They talked it over and decided to keep the baby because abortions were not covered by their medical insurance and because she was scared of the moral implications of that decision.
The long-necked giraffe was trapped in a relationship in order to provide a positive role-model. After the child was born, the long-necked giraffe noticed that the baby giraffe had a long neck too, and told him the secret of using his long neck to score with random chicks. He warned him though, always wear protection, because otherwise you might be in a world of shit. The baby giraffe grew up to be a playa, and never used protection, opting instead to skip town every time one of his girlfriends got knocked up, and eventually, most of the giraffes in the world were long necked.
The end.
One day a drought came along. All the grass died, but the tree had really long roots and it sucked up the water deep underground. All the giraffes were really hungry except for the long-necked giraffe, who decided to be a prick to the asshole giraffes that were mean to him and eat all the leaves himself.
"Come on, man! Share some of that good stuff, we're hungry down here!" said the short-necked giraffes.
"Fuck you, you guys were mean to me!" said the long necked giraffes.
The long necked giraffe continued to eat.
"Alright, we're sorry we picked on you before, can you help us out please?"
The short necked giraffes were apologizing, and the long-necked giraffe didn't care because they were mean.
Eventually one giraffe piped in and said"Fine dude, do whatever, see if I care... Come on guys, let's go find some grass... there's gotta be some somewhere..."
One of the female giraffes stuck around, though. She was a pretty little giraffe, with shiny and smooth brown spots and a really long tongue. This turned the long-necked giraffe on, and he put on his smooth moves.
"Sup?" said the long-necked giraffe.
"Hi, what's your name?" said the sexy she-giraffe.
"I dunno. I don't think our species has invented that concept."
"Haha, you're so funny. What are you doing?"
"Oh, I'm just EATING SOME LEAVES FROM THIS TREE!!!"
"Wow! That is soooo impressive! You mind sharing?"
"Uh, I dunno, I'm PRETTY hungry but I GUESS I could be arsed if you ask NICELY..."
So they shared the leaves, he would grab a leaf and give it to her and then would eat a leaf himself. The she-giraffe saw him as a good provider and saw that he was an honest giraffe, and the long-necked giraffe saw her as an object that he could smear his seed in, and they got along quite well.
At the end of the day they decided to have crazy giraffe sex. Afterwards, the long-necked giraffe sit up on the headboard of his bed and started to smoke a cigarette. The she-giraffe gave him a hug and started to cuddle. He had trust issues that developed after getting picked on a lot for being a long-necked giraffe, and decided to go for a walk. She didn't want him to leave. She wanted to cuddle. He wanted to be alone. His rebellious nature and her inability to control him made her love him all the more... She fantasized about their futures together, and the lives they could share. She imagined a family, and a bunch of kid-giraffes, and bringing him home to her parents.
He thought about how awesome that nookie he just scored was, and wondered if she was the clingy type.
When he came back, she whispered in his ear that she loved him... this kinda freaked him out.
"We just met!" said the long-necked giraffe.
"I know, but I just feel so strongly toward you! You are very important to me." She looked in his eyes with a longing sort of long, and his confusion made her feel pain.
"Listen, babe, I know that you are feeling especially drawn to me, and I understand how you feel, but I think that we shouldtake some time to ourselves so we can look at this rationally... Just give me some space, okay? Give me some space and time and we'll see."
"Oh my god! You're breaking up with me!" She screamed and started freaking out, crying like a crazy person. This made him feel guilty.
"No no no! I'm just saying some time apart will be good for us!" He then started to wonder if it was possible to break up with a person you had only gotten together with once.
"Oh my god! Let me calm down...."
"Okay, cool, just calm down, okay?"
The she-giraffe sniffled. "If you want time alone, that's fine. I can do that. I'm a big giraffette. I will be fine."
"You'll be fine! Just fine!"
A few days passed, and the long-necked giraffe discovered that all the short-necked giraffes had died. Some had died of starvation, others had been eaten by alligators because all the grass was by a water-hole that was filled with all sorts of nasties.
"Oh well!" the long necked giraffe thought.
After a while though, he began to become lonesome and tried calling the she-giraffe.
"Hello, this is Long-Necked Giraffe, is She-Giraffe there?"
"Oh my god! This is She-Giraffe! How are you!? I haven't seen you in like, forever!!"
And they arranged to meet each other.
About a month later, She-Giraffe went to the long necked giraffe and said she needed to talk about something...
"Sure, what about? What's going on?" the long-necked giraffe inquired.
"Well, you know, about a week ago it was that time of the month, and uh... I waited for somet ime, but I think..."
"What do you think?"
"I think I might be... pregnant." The she-giraffe looked at him with fear.
The long-necked giraffe looked at her, and said, 'What, are you serious? Don't joke about that".
They talked it over and decided to keep the baby because abortions were not covered by their medical insurance and because she was scared of the moral implications of that decision.
The long-necked giraffe was trapped in a relationship in order to provide a positive role-model. After the child was born, the long-necked giraffe noticed that the baby giraffe had a long neck too, and told him the secret of using his long neck to score with random chicks. He warned him though, always wear protection, because otherwise you might be in a world of shit. The baby giraffe grew up to be a playa, and never used protection, opting instead to skip town every time one of his girlfriends got knocked up, and eventually, most of the giraffes in the world were long necked.
The end.
Hands off my dick!
I was on Facebook, and as much as I regret that much, I did get into a textual conflict with a few feminists. This happens occasionally, it's a result of being open-minded and considering all sides of an argument.
They were upset about new medication that mothers can take to prevent developing female embryos and fetuses from turning into tomboys and lesbians.
At first I was like, wow, that sounds pretty bad. Then, I started to think about it. How does this make a negative impact on the child?
The more I thought, the more I realized it really doesn't. I mean, it's not like the kid will ever be the wiser, and even if they do grow up to be 20 or so and find out that there was a possibility that they could have been a lesbian if their mother didn't take some drugs, I don't think they would care. Really. I don't.
To demonstrate my point, I compared it to circumcision, which has to do with penises (women are experts in those), and how both are acts committed before the child is capable of realizing what is happening. The problem arose because I referred to circumcision in a negative light, ie. 'If CIRCUMCISION of all things is legal, I don't see why this is all that bad".
I said:
Someone replied:
Someone else replied:
Someone else had a logical reply. I liked it.
I can see this person's point of view. I'm not going to argue with it, even though I could develop arguments if I chose to.
I replied to the first someone, saying
A girl named Danielle replied, saying:
I sorta ignored this one. Accusing someone of being a misogynistic prick isn't really effective if I am not affected by it. As for the threadjacking accusation, they were under the illusion that a facebook thread has the same rules as their local phpBB forum, and frankly I don't follow da rules.
Instead, I replied to someone else, and said:
Danielle decided to pretend to be funny at this point.
Let me give you all a bit of insight into the mind of a healthy adult male, me. When I walk down the street in nothing but a pair of sweatpants and a neat hat, I'm not showing off for the ladies, I'm fucking hot. When I wear a pair of cargo pants with a button-up shirt,it's not because I think it makes me look cool, I do it because dress shirts are magic (any garment that can change from relaxed to business depending on whether or not you tuck it in is a pro in my book) and cargo pants have big pockets. If a girl doesn't like me the way I am then they can find someone else. They probably won't though because most women love me "I don't give a fuuuuck" mentality.
Anyway, I replied with:
From this point forward be it known that Danielle shall be referred to as the Circumcised-Cock-Loving Doctorate-In-Penisology Danielle, Esq.
Here is some more of my flawless logic.
Anyway, I'd like to close with a comment by someone completely different.
Thank you. :3
They were upset about new medication that mothers can take to prevent developing female embryos and fetuses from turning into tomboys and lesbians.
At first I was like, wow, that sounds pretty bad. Then, I started to think about it. How does this make a negative impact on the child?
The more I thought, the more I realized it really doesn't. I mean, it's not like the kid will ever be the wiser, and even if they do grow up to be 20 or so and find out that there was a possibility that they could have been a lesbian if their mother didn't take some drugs, I don't think they would care. Really. I don't.
To demonstrate my point, I compared it to circumcision, which has to do with penises (women are experts in those), and how both are acts committed before the child is capable of realizing what is happening. The problem arose because I referred to circumcision in a negative light, ie. 'If CIRCUMCISION of all things is legal, I don't see why this is all that bad".
I said:
I dont see how this is evil. It's not even anti-gay, really. It's pro-parental choice. A parent has a right to choose if they want to take the drug or not, it is their child. The evil doctors who take care of sick people for a living aren't forcing it down their throats. Either way, the child will be fine. If the kid isn't gay then I guess you ... See morereally saved her from an awkward pubescence, and saved her from a dislike of penises, but it's not like they're curing people who are currently gay. I mean, fuck, if we're allowed in this country to decide if our newborns are to be branded a christian for the rest of their lives by chopping off a portion of their dicks, I don't see how this is any worse.
Someone replied:
@Nillerz: This is worse because even later in life a person can choose to change religions. Not the same thing.
Someone else replied:
@Nillerz, being circumcised has nothing to do with being christian. it's in the jewish faith to have it done. and quite frankly most people do it because it is easier to clean and keep the penis away from infection. and 9 times out of 10, if your father is in the picture and circumcised, you are too just so there isn't a weird "hey, daddy why does yours look like that and mine looks like this," awkwardness when you're younger.
Now that I think about it this was a pretty weird response. I don't think they should have brought my father into it...
Someone else had a logical reply. I liked it.
Erik: It's an off label use of an experimental drug whose long-term effects on fetal and childhood deveopment haven't been done. That's why it's a problem. Treating CAH is a legitimate medical concern; giving it to women off label without a chance of having a child affected by CAH is horrifying.
I can see this person's point of view. I'm not going to argue with it, even though I could develop arguments if I chose to.
I replied to the first someone, saying
Yeah, but frankly I can't un-circumsize my dick. Circumcision is an operation that prevents males from ever enjoying sex as much as they should. I think its pretty fucked up that I was part of freako religious ceremony designed to take away all the fun in fucking before I was even capable of understanding how fucking was fun. Meanwhile... I doubt anyone whose mother did this to them will really grow up to be 20 or so and say "You know what mom? FUCK YOU! Because of you, I'm not gay! GAH! That's a life experience I am missing out on now!"
A girl named Danielle replied, saying:
@ Erik: being a misogynistic prick isn't really helping your case much. The article isn't about circumcised penises, you're threadjacking.
I sorta ignored this one. Accusing someone of being a misogynistic prick isn't really effective if I am not affected by it. As for the threadjacking accusation, they were under the illusion that a facebook thread has the same rules as their local phpBB forum, and frankly I don't follow da rules.
Instead, I replied to someone else, and said:
You are a girl. I'm assuming you haven't had your clitoris mutilated as a child, because you are on facebook and supposedly that sort of thing doesn't happen in this country. I don't care if it is a christian thing or not, you aren't me, you don't know what it's like to know that your penis played a part in a freaky cult ritual and more that you will never have it back to how it is supposed to be. If men weren't supposed to have foreskins then they would have evolved without them. It decreases sexual pleasure and I am very bitter about it. If I ever married and my wife wanted this operation done on a son of mine I would divorce her.
Danielle decided to pretend to be funny at this point.
@ Erik: no one cares about your penis but you. Your parents cared enough about you to make it more appealing to the fairer sex, make it appear bigger, be easier for you to clean as a child learning how to bathe yourself, and also gave you the gift of not having to check for dick cheese before you take a girl out on a date.
if you ask me your parents did you a favor.
if you ask me your parents did you a favor.
Let me give you all a bit of insight into the mind of a healthy adult male, me. When I walk down the street in nothing but a pair of sweatpants and a neat hat, I'm not showing off for the ladies, I'm fucking hot. When I wear a pair of cargo pants with a button-up shirt,it's not because I think it makes me look cool, I do it because dress shirts are magic (any garment that can change from relaxed to business depending on whether or not you tuck it in is a pro in my book) and cargo pants have big pockets. If a girl doesn't like me the way I am then they can find someone else. They probably won't though because most women love me "I don't give a fuuuuck" mentality.
Anyway, I replied with:
@Danielle: You don't even have a dick. Why the hell are you talking as though you are an expert in them?
Make it look bigger? The hell you talking about woman? Dick cheese? Seriously? Is that what its for? To make it look bigger and prevent dick cheese? See, I'll take my dick cheese back if it means that sex is more intense and fun, like it's supposed to be. Foreskins are natural. Chopping them off is evil. Women don't know shit about dicks.
Make it look bigger? The hell you talking about woman? Dick cheese? Seriously? Is that what its for? To make it look bigger and prevent dick cheese? See, I'll take my dick cheese back if it means that sex is more intense and fun, like it's supposed to be. Foreskins are natural. Chopping them off is evil. Women don't know shit about dicks.
@ Nillerz: more women prefer circumcised to uncircumcised. just saying. As a straight woman i would say I know quite a bit about penises. more than you do, apparently.
From this point forward be it known that Danielle shall be referred to as the Circumcised-Cock-Loving Doctorate-In-Penisology Danielle, Esq.
Here is some more of my flawless logic.
@Danielle Pages: Oh, I see, you're a woman, so you all of a sudden make decisions when it comes to my body. Well fuck you and the matriarchy, I don't care whether or not you like my dick better this way or not, because it's not your dick. You know how I like pussy? I like it shaved, except with a small soul-patch on top. Pornstar style, you know? How about from now on, we remove all the pubic hair follicles around the vagina! I mean, it's easier to clean, no shampooing your pubes, you don't need to shave, and on top of that, men will be more willing to perform cunnilingus! :D
Anyway, I'd like to close with a comment by someone completely different.
@Nillerz: I totally agree with you. I think that circumcision is a barbaric practice and should be outlawed. I am truly sorry that your parents did that to you. Circumcision serves no purpose, most of the reasons that people give for it have been disproven by science and common sense.
Thank you. :3
About the tiger...
Dear Neighbor,
Despite my best efforts to avoid the situation by chain-link fences and large-calibre rifles, it appears your large Siberian tiger has, once again, destroyed the livelihood of one of my house-guests, one Andrew Colopy. I understand that having a pet tiger is a rite of passage in what you claim as your religion, and am also aware of the practical benefits of tiger-ownership, for example your cited use in the case of a zombie holocaust, however I feel it poignant and reasonable to request that the Tiger be given to either a zoo or to the taxidermist, as to spare the lives and legs of countless innocents for upon whom your tiger is often to pray.
I understand that your attachment to your admittedly beautiful 400 pound beast of a cat, which you've apparently christened "Bitey", does have a spark of intelligence behind those giant blood-red eyes, however I feel that this intelligence is mostly spent looking through the fence I was forced to build at my close friends and immediate family, who live in fear as it examines us, monitoring us for patterns and scheming new ways to terrorise us. Also, in response to your request that we "stop being so good looking" in order to possibly avoid further altercations, I would like to point out that the mannequins you've hung in your feeding area bear the resemblance to my wife and kids almost exactly, and the fact that you have filled them with mixed red meats could be considered an act of aggression, despite your best assurances that its to train Bitey in case we were made to be zombies. The fact of the matter is that it is illegal for you to own a tiger without several pieces of documentation that you are incapable of producing on request, and if you do not take care of the situation I will be forced to pursue options through the courts.
I hope you are capable of being reasonable. There are many zoos that would gladly take your beloved pet, and it would be a shame to have this small detail get between our sometimes disagreeable, however at least somewhat compatible, neighbourhood. I would like to thank you for your consideration of my request, and have good faith that you will act appropriately.
Thank you
Neil Aybor
Despite my best efforts to avoid the situation by chain-link fences and large-calibre rifles, it appears your large Siberian tiger has, once again, destroyed the livelihood of one of my house-guests, one Andrew Colopy. I understand that having a pet tiger is a rite of passage in what you claim as your religion, and am also aware of the practical benefits of tiger-ownership, for example your cited use in the case of a zombie holocaust, however I feel it poignant and reasonable to request that the Tiger be given to either a zoo or to the taxidermist, as to spare the lives and legs of countless innocents for upon whom your tiger is often to pray.
I understand that your attachment to your admittedly beautiful 400 pound beast of a cat, which you've apparently christened "Bitey", does have a spark of intelligence behind those giant blood-red eyes, however I feel that this intelligence is mostly spent looking through the fence I was forced to build at my close friends and immediate family, who live in fear as it examines us, monitoring us for patterns and scheming new ways to terrorise us. Also, in response to your request that we "stop being so good looking" in order to possibly avoid further altercations, I would like to point out that the mannequins you've hung in your feeding area bear the resemblance to my wife and kids almost exactly, and the fact that you have filled them with mixed red meats could be considered an act of aggression, despite your best assurances that its to train Bitey in case we were made to be zombies. The fact of the matter is that it is illegal for you to own a tiger without several pieces of documentation that you are incapable of producing on request, and if you do not take care of the situation I will be forced to pursue options through the courts.
I hope you are capable of being reasonable. There are many zoos that would gladly take your beloved pet, and it would be a shame to have this small detail get between our sometimes disagreeable, however at least somewhat compatible, neighbourhood. I would like to thank you for your consideration of my request, and have good faith that you will act appropriately.
Thank you
Neil Aybor
Apple has a monopoly on web standards.
In the past, web browsers were sold on function. For example, Netscape tried to sell their browser on the single most influential HTML tag ever created ever in the history of the internet, the <marquee> tag. Everyone fell in love with it and Netscape became the worlds most important superpower, became king of the internet, and would give epileptic seizures to all who dared to test their power with their secret weapon, <blink>. Blinky text and scrolling marquees were, of course, what the internet was made for and all of those crazy dreamers from the 90s, failing to believe that tomorrow was just bullshit, enjoyed Netscapes harsh, yet fair, law.
Netscapes reign was short lived,as Internet Explorer came and threatened them with ActiveX controls. Alas, in the midst of all this, some crazy nutjobs decided that all browsers go to the same internet, so they should all render pages the same, using a set of standards. These rebellious nerds called themselves the W3 consortium. They released a series of standards for HTML, xHTML and CSS. Then they made a bunch of pages to test your browsers compatibility. At this time, Netscape open-sourced itself and became Firefox and Seamonkey, and Internet Explorer said "Fuck you, I do what I want" to the W3 consortium. Though by far the most popular browsers, Firefox and Internet Explorer didn't have the best web standards support, and it wasn't until Opera started advertising its browser as just stupid compliant to these standards, and Webkit based engines such as Safari and Chrome started to adhere better to the standards, that people came to realize that standards compliancy could be seen as something you could out-compete other browsers in.
Apple has recently released a "HTML5 Showcase" that shows off Apple's... unique blend... of HTML5 rendering. First off, you will need to have Safari to view the tech demos, which is pretty stupid if you think about it because really, that's the sort of thing that the web standards are supposed to get rid of, you know, browser-specific web sites. Apple is pretty much saying "Your browser is incompatible with the internet!", or at least, Apple's version of the Internet.
Not only does it block non-safari browsers (poorly, as I was able to access it from my cell phones browser, which is a Motorola Droid running Android 2.1 and the xScope Lite browser), but it also apparently uses Webkit-Specific CSS. For example, it uses
Even Microsoft, with Internet Explorer is at least trying to follow web standards, even though they are really bad at it, it still is an attempt on their part. They don't block other browsers from trying to access their demo pages.
So, if you would believe what Apple preaches, then Apple's Safari is the only browser that supports web standards, and Apple gets to choose what actually is a standard and what isn't, and on top of that, the internet only works on Safari, and that a browser that doesn't work nearly as well (as of my last usage) as other, more modern, browsers is the industry standard of internetdom. I'm sure all the fanboys will eat it up, like how they said HTML5 video will replace Flash video, when it won't, and how multitasking is stupid and just consumes battery life, when it isn't and doesn't have to. Me? I just will continue to not purchase Apple crap, not use Apple protocols like Bonjour, and not install Apple codecs such as Quicktime (which is a disaster if you do, trust me!)
Anyway, thanks for listening... I love you.
Netscapes reign was short lived,as Internet Explorer came and threatened them with ActiveX controls. Alas, in the midst of all this, some crazy nutjobs decided that all browsers go to the same internet, so they should all render pages the same, using a set of standards. These rebellious nerds called themselves the W3 consortium. They released a series of standards for HTML, xHTML and CSS. Then they made a bunch of pages to test your browsers compatibility. At this time, Netscape open-sourced itself and became Firefox and Seamonkey, and Internet Explorer said "Fuck you, I do what I want" to the W3 consortium. Though by far the most popular browsers, Firefox and Internet Explorer didn't have the best web standards support, and it wasn't until Opera started advertising its browser as just stupid compliant to these standards, and Webkit based engines such as Safari and Chrome started to adhere better to the standards, that people came to realize that standards compliancy could be seen as something you could out-compete other browsers in.
Apple has recently released a "HTML5 Showcase" that shows off Apple's... unique blend... of HTML5 rendering. First off, you will need to have Safari to view the tech demos, which is pretty stupid if you think about it because really, that's the sort of thing that the web standards are supposed to get rid of, you know, browser-specific web sites. Apple is pretty much saying "Your browser is incompatible with the internet!", or at least, Apple's version of the Internet.
Not only does it block non-safari browsers (poorly, as I was able to access it from my cell phones browser, which is a Motorola Droid running Android 2.1 and the xScope Lite browser), but it also apparently uses Webkit-Specific CSS. For example, it uses
-webkit-border-radiusinstead of
border-radius, which is the actual CSS3 selector. This means that their demostration of how awesome web standards are is not actually standards compliant. Way to fail, Apple.
Even Microsoft, with Internet Explorer is at least trying to follow web standards, even though they are really bad at it, it still is an attempt on their part. They don't block other browsers from trying to access their demo pages.
So, if you would believe what Apple preaches, then Apple's Safari is the only browser that supports web standards, and Apple gets to choose what actually is a standard and what isn't, and on top of that, the internet only works on Safari, and that a browser that doesn't work nearly as well (as of my last usage) as other, more modern, browsers is the industry standard of internetdom. I'm sure all the fanboys will eat it up, like how they said HTML5 video will replace Flash video, when it won't, and how multitasking is stupid and just consumes battery life, when it isn't and doesn't have to. Me? I just will continue to not purchase Apple crap, not use Apple protocols like Bonjour, and not install Apple codecs such as Quicktime (which is a disaster if you do, trust me!)
Anyway, thanks for listening... I love you.
Who cares about wetbacks?
Recently, people have been having tons o' hubbub about this whole illegal immigration thing. Lots of people hate the Mexicans for sneakin' into America and stealing our jobs without paying taxes, then using our public health facilities, police departments, and so forth. Another big thing is the whole drugs thing. Lots of dope comes from Mexico, folks.
About that dope, I dont think many people realize who the hell is dealing this stuff to America. These aren't the drug dealers at the corner who dig on pimps and hoes while smokin' a blunt rolled in a 100 dolla dolla bill, yo.
Los Zetas is a criminal organization approximately 3000 people huge (source:that wikipedia thing). This group was founded by an ELITE GROUP of fucking MILITARY DESERTERS who were originally hired as a MERCENARY PROTECTION GROUP for the Mexican Gulf Cartel. Eventually the two got close, and like all relationships that were worth anything but based on things petty and material, they eventually went their seperate ways with a lot of stored up angst.
Background on these elite mercenaries: They were GAFE soldiers (not like you give a fuck what that stands for and hell if I can pronounce it) trained in counter-insurgency against drug cartel members. They were also trained at the military School of the Americas in rapid deployment, marksmanship, squad tactics, intel, surveillance/counter surveillance, prisoner rescue, and fucking AIR ASSAULT tactics. They are not only well trained in all that jazz but also arrmed to the fucking teeth with assault rifles such as AR-15s, and AK-47s as well as other weapons such as the MP5 submachine gun, helicopters, grenade launchers, RPGs, and .50 caliber machine guns (no doubt attached to helicopters, because, hell if I had a .50 cal machine gun and a helicopter, then not combining the two would be just fuck-all retarded).
Los Zetas acts with greater precision and better tactics than local police forces, and also has superior firepower and body armor. That, combined with the fact that most every other cartel in Mexico hates them and is actively at war with them, you can see why Mexicans might want to escape their shit-hole. All this trouble to get you some heroin, by the way, because Lord knows the Mexican civvie populace can't afford that smack and if they could they would just buy food, and the cartels have to sell the goods somewhere, now don't they?
So Mexico sucks, we got that. Why dont they become legal immigrants and deal with all the LEGAL perks that come with being a LEGAL citizen of the United States? Fuck that, that process can take 10 years, and even if you make it you will still be asked for ID whenever you see a copper in Arizona, won't you? On top of that, once they become citizens then they have to get a job, and if they want a job they have to be getting paid mininum wage, and if they are getting mininum wage then why hire an illegal over someone who can actually speak some fucking English? The fact that their illegal and cheap is the only thing making them economically viable in these harsh times.
So, really, when you break it down to it, no matter what your views on illegal immigration, unless it's "My god man! You're lucky to be alive! Of course you can stay here in America, we won't be so cruel as to send you to that God forsaken hell-hole that our kool klubbin kats with koke paid for against your will!" then you are forgetting that these Mexicans are human fucking beings and deserve life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness just like any of you fat, pathetic, bible-humping conservatives and you disgusting, vegan, liberal hippie-vaginas.
About that dope, I dont think many people realize who the hell is dealing this stuff to America. These aren't the drug dealers at the corner who dig on pimps and hoes while smokin' a blunt rolled in a 100 dolla dolla bill, yo.
Los Zetas is a criminal organization approximately 3000 people huge (source:that wikipedia thing). This group was founded by an ELITE GROUP of fucking MILITARY DESERTERS who were originally hired as a MERCENARY PROTECTION GROUP for the Mexican Gulf Cartel. Eventually the two got close, and like all relationships that were worth anything but based on things petty and material, they eventually went their seperate ways with a lot of stored up angst.
Background on these elite mercenaries: They were GAFE soldiers (not like you give a fuck what that stands for and hell if I can pronounce it) trained in counter-insurgency against drug cartel members. They were also trained at the military School of the Americas in rapid deployment, marksmanship, squad tactics, intel, surveillance/counter surveillance, prisoner rescue, and fucking AIR ASSAULT tactics. They are not only well trained in all that jazz but also arrmed to the fucking teeth with assault rifles such as AR-15s, and AK-47s as well as other weapons such as the MP5 submachine gun, helicopters, grenade launchers, RPGs, and .50 caliber machine guns (no doubt attached to helicopters, because, hell if I had a .50 cal machine gun and a helicopter, then not combining the two would be just fuck-all retarded).
Los Zetas acts with greater precision and better tactics than local police forces, and also has superior firepower and body armor. That, combined with the fact that most every other cartel in Mexico hates them and is actively at war with them, you can see why Mexicans might want to escape their shit-hole. All this trouble to get you some heroin, by the way, because Lord knows the Mexican civvie populace can't afford that smack and if they could they would just buy food, and the cartels have to sell the goods somewhere, now don't they?
So Mexico sucks, we got that. Why dont they become legal immigrants and deal with all the LEGAL perks that come with being a LEGAL citizen of the United States? Fuck that, that process can take 10 years, and even if you make it you will still be asked for ID whenever you see a copper in Arizona, won't you? On top of that, once they become citizens then they have to get a job, and if they want a job they have to be getting paid mininum wage, and if they are getting mininum wage then why hire an illegal over someone who can actually speak some fucking English? The fact that their illegal and cheap is the only thing making them economically viable in these harsh times.
So, really, when you break it down to it, no matter what your views on illegal immigration, unless it's "My god man! You're lucky to be alive! Of course you can stay here in America, we won't be so cruel as to send you to that God forsaken hell-hole that our kool klubbin kats with koke paid for against your will!" then you are forgetting that these Mexicans are human fucking beings and deserve life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness just like any of you fat, pathetic, bible-humping conservatives and you disgusting, vegan, liberal hippie-vaginas.
Anonymous
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